Voldemort’s Inauguration

Tonight I realized it’s the last night I’ll go to bed with Barack Obama as my president. Tomorrow will be a very dark day indeed. Not only are we saying goodbye to an eloquent, brilliant man, we are inaugurating the literary equivalent of Voldemort.

So let’s play a game*. As one does.

Although it’s nearly too frightening to be funny, I do enjoy some of the humor surrounding this very grave political shit show (the arsenic icing on this poisonous cake was this morning’s news that Trump proposes to cut both the National Endowment for the Arts (N.E.A.) and the National Endowment for the Humanities (N.E.H.) in their entirety). But in regards to humor, the Obama Biden memes make me smile. My favorites – and this should be no surprise given my affinity for books – are the Harry Potter ones. Does it help that my son and I are reading through the Harry Potter series before bed? Yes, yes it does. But Trump’s wig as a horcrux? Brilliant. It would be Nagini, of course. But what about the rest? Is Tom Riddle’s diary the equivalent of Trump’s twitter account or a first edition of The Art of the Deal? Regardless, I am positive that we all know that he will have the best horcruxes. They are tremendous, the absolute very best.

Now pour yourself a drink and imagine what objects might be hiding Trump’s soul. Here are my thoughts…

Tom Riddle’s diary. First edition of The Art of the Deal.

Marvolo Gaunt’s Ring. Trump’s tax returns.

Salazar Slytherin’s Locket. Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Helga Hufflepuff’s Cup. Trump’s plane. Gold cup, gold plated toilet. One in the same.

Rowena Ravenclaw’s Diadem. That awful red Make America Great Again hat.

Harry Potter. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Nagini the Snake. That wig.

I regret I couldn’t fit in Twitter, a stack of manila folders, or what must be the world’s tiniest personal thesaurus. Any other suggestions?

*I am far from the first to suggest this or these items as horcruxes and I’m sure I am far from the last (suggestions on Twitter and Reddit abound). Please enjoy them as they were intended – a lame attempt to lighten what is likely to be a dark moment in history.