I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For: A Top Ten List

Fact: U2 is one of my least favorite bands, yet I’m still quoting them for this post’s title.

Blogging statistics are not of much interest to me. Do I really want to know how many people are not reading my blog? No. I have enough self-doubt as it is. However, I find search terms fascinating. It has made me realize my mind (and by extension, my blog) is a far darker and dirtier place than I ever knew. So in this week’s bonus top ten list, I’m going to share my favorite search terms. Some of these have been searched frequently, some as few as five times (#6). I’m stealing this idea, with credit, from Katie at Words for Worms.

I would love to know if my posts answered these poor searchers questions. I can’t imagine they did, but it’s the effort that counts, right?


In no particular order, I couldn’t pick a favorite if I needed to:

10. Dating Illiterate Girls. I’m quite certain that my blog, dedicated to the discussion of good books, will not give you tips on dating girls who can’t read. Keep searching.

9. Opium Recipes. Hmm…can’t help with this one either. However, if someone wanted to email me, I might be able to. I actually know quite a bit about Papaver somniferum, consider it one of perks of being a botany (botanical and horticultural) librarian.

8. Alone Yet Happy / I am Happy Alone / I am Alone, but am Happy / Who Needs Romance?. I’m combining these four; all have come up several times. Does the internet think I’m lonely? I am happy and I’ve never considered myself lonely. And I think romance is essential.

7. Acrostic for Pygmy Mouse Lemur / Love is more like a Pygmy Mouse Lemur. I’m combining these two as well. Who knew the world connected love, lemurs, and wordplay?

6. The British Library. Seriously. How far down in the results are these searchers looking?

5. Young French Girls in Movies. Naturally my mind goes to the less savory interpretation of this term. However, regardless of what the person was looking for, I’m certain I didn’t provide it.

4. Classy in the City. Why yes, yes I am.

3. Is he a cad because he does not want to marry me? Probably. Email me for advice (this suggestion is purely optional, relationship expert I am not)

2. (Insert any number of sex, blow job, and coffee related search terms). This is the thanks I get for reviewing Wrecked by Charlotte Roche. That being said, and I’m sure Roche would agree, sex makes the world go round. And I might have chuckled at the use of insert. Because immature.

1. Locked Inside Jail Cell. I can’t help you, my lock picking skills are a bit rusty. Sorry.

Bonus terms: interesting facts and good reads (me in a nutshell, don’t ever play trivial pursuit/bar trivia with me), solitary balloon release (um….?), the vanilla thrilla vs the delicious destroyer (for a while this was one of the most popular search terms), and finally (and pleasingly) my most popular search term is fourth street review. My inner masochist tells me that people are looking for a review of fourth street.

So….prison, sex, drugs, possible pornography, primates, illiterate girls, and the British Library. Welcome to Fourth Street Review, please come again.

Image (original source unknown).

22 thoughts on “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For: A Top Ten List

    1. To be honest, I feel my IQ drop a few points every time someone finds me by asking ‘Is a blow job easier than making coffee?’. Who wonders things like that?

      I can only imagine the disappointment when they don’t find a single image of Baird’s bust and instead find that someone might actually say that women don’t need to worry about being a size zero or wearing make-up (at least it’s suitably followed by kick in the balls).

      Sadly, I’ve not seen Stan Helsing.


      1. It’s more they’re looking for boobs and what they find is…

        Let’s just call it disappointment.

        Really long-winded disappointment.


      2. It’s probably shared by the same people looking for young French girls in movies.

        And I’m not planning on it, mostly because it might require me to watch Van Helsing first. That’s not likely to happen either.


  1. hahahaha Oh my gosh, really? Wow, I just decided to pull mine up and people find my blog in ordinary ways (i.e. typing the title of the book/author). Only exception is ‘one tough cookie’ is searched a lot. I think I used a gif a while back. lol


    1. I get a lot of normal ones too, these are just my favorite. I get a ton of Stephen King ones (of course), but they are not fun to share.

      Some of these I could not even tell you what post they pulled up (young French girls in movies…no idea).


    1. I check mine always daily (if I remember), along with country information, it is the only useful part of blog stats (at least for a blog as small as mine…).


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